"Disappointment is the best chariot to use on the path of the Dharma." Trungpa RinpocheThis year so far has been really interesting for me. And not interesting in the sense that my dreams have come true.
No, by and large it has been a year full of disappointments, almost exclusively involving people who are/were close to me (or so I thought) letting me down when push came to shove.
As this happened, quite often I would think to myself, "The problem isn't them, it's your problem for having such high expectations."
But I have a problem with that - it excuses bad behaviour that should be challenged. So before I get to the main thrust, let me say expressly that while I have forgive much of what has happened, it's not an excuse for anyone to continue to treat people badly. Saying "That's just the way I am" is a pile of horse-shit - you CHOSE to act the way you acted, and since you know that was frakked up then you should be doing something about it instead of saying "That's just me" - cos it's not!
Richard Bach said it best:
“If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it. If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim."Anyhoo, back on topic...
The thing I have been pondering is, how can I make such events affect me less? I mean I have no control over how frakked up other people are, and to continue to be affected by their shit makes no sense.
The thing I have been pondering is, how can I make such events affect me less? I mean I have no control over how frakked up other people are, and to continue to be affected by their shit makes no sense. The first step is obvious - take responsibility for my own feelings, don't try to be the "victim" like so many people I know.
Still, my standard response though was to cut people off - clean, surgical removal from my life. And to be honest it's still an option - sometimes if a person is toxic you just gotta get that poison out your system. But I suspect that I did it too often, and too quickly. Even a perceived lack of effort or caring on the part of someone has led me to dispose of them (in a non-“doubletap followed by encasement in concrete” kind of way lol).
And I don't mean repressing any annoyance or frustration. But sitting with it, recognising it for what it is, and putting it in both context and proportion. Not letting it take on a life of its own, become a larger monster than it really should.
I don't think I have been ultra-succesful with this so far, but at least I am trying. The intention is there, and here in this blog post, so maybe it will get better with practice. I have a feeling that this practice is a very important thing for me indeed..
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